Monday, June 22, 2009

Drainage, Eli, you boy....

After almost 10 hours a day at work and the 40 minute commute home from work in rush hour traffic in a car with malfunctioning air conditioning in 90 degree heat with 80% humidity....

I'm surprised I manage to do much once I get home. Other than managing my side business.

I need to find some other strength of motivation given that I have to pack the place up to move in two weeks. Luckily Matt is not working right now, so much of the housework is left to him. Yes, it seems I finally have a housewife of my own.

(I'm learning to be more grateful of the fact that I come home and he's done the laundry, the dishes and the regular upkeep. It's very nice and I love him for it since I know plenty of women who would like their men to do those things just every once in a while. :)

All the same, I need more motivation. Something organic. Like yoga. Hmmm... I'm sure my doctor would approve.
Ich weiß, dass, wenn ich mich zurück in diesen Seiten, werde ich eine vorherige Eintrag mit den gleichen Worten. Ich bin dumm zu glauben, es wäre auch Sache für ihn.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Und nun, ich werde gehen in meinem Leben. Er ist nur ein kleiner Punkt, den ich zu kämpfen haben.

Ich gehe auf ihn zu lieben leise. Wie ich bereits getan haben, für die letzten acht Jahre. Es sollte nicht einfach mit dem jetzt.

The Dream

It was so real and vivid, that I can still remember most details.

There was a party. Lots of people there. It looked like Sam's house.

I was there. He was there. His wife was there. But he wasn't talking to his wife, didn't even acknowledge her.

And then there was this pretty girl with short blonde hair.

I was trying to talk to him, but he wasn't listening. He was paying attention to the pretty blonde.

I was talking about previous adventures. (Adventures we always talked about, but never did. Though, in a dream a couple of weeks ago, we did these adventures. There's plenty to analyize about that previous dream, but it doesn't matter.) He was talking to me, but looking at her.

And so I walked away. Starting talking to his wife, who was also watching him watch the blonde. There was some sort of understanding, but completely unspoken.

Cutting to the end of the dream, he starts to leave with the blonde.

"I'm here. Your wife is here. And you're going to leave with this girl you don't know?"


His wife and I stand there together looking at him leave.

Dream ends.

Point taken. And from the details I haven't mentioned because they don't matter to anyone else anyway, I do finally understand.

Funny how these moments of finally understanding are never really enjoyable. There is pain. But there is also relief. Because at least I know that I will never mention it again.

Yes, regardless of how I feel, I will practice a self-restraint of silence that I have only been able to hold one other time in my life.

End of story.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Ah, the confusion. Isn't it fun. If I were to, by chance, have a normal day, without this "confusion," I'm not sure I would actually know what to do with myself.